Ultimate Realization

I think that the only way I will find what I'm supposed to be doing is to find myself first. I've spent my whole life wandering around aimlessly looking for something to make me happy. Meditation has begun to teach me that I will never find anything until I am happy and at peace with myself. I must admit I've had a lot of trouble fitting in 30 minutes of meditation each day. There really is no other excuse besides I catch myself falling asleep due to me waiting until before I go to bed to begin my meditation. My body is already telling me it's time to sleep so I usually only last from 10-20 minutes. I truely believe it is making me better in my day to day life. But I am also excited about how much more 30 minutes a day would improve me. During meditation you're spending time paying attention to yourself and your own thoughts. There's no better way to honestly grow to love and respect yourself than listening to and watching the thoughts in your mind. Once you find this true love and respect for yourself, you can spread it to the rest of the world without jealousy, greed, or ego. Usually the great things in your life only begin to happen when you stop trying to hard to find them and/or just let life happen and appreciate all the other good things in your life. Just watch your life and the events in it, and just appreciate all of it for what it is whithout emotional attachment. This is when deep internal satisfaction arises. Then great things will begin to happen.

Blah

Things are still pretty crazy. I think the meditation is making me better able to handle things though. I'm so thankful that I've been working at it. Last night I only lasted 10 minutes or so which kinda sucked. But, you know, you can't sit for 20+ minutes everytime. You're going to have good sessions and bad ones. Just the way it goes and it's perfectly natural. So, anyway, drop me a comment if you would like any more information on Meditation and my experiences with it so far. Have a blessed day.

Don't Look Back

It's been a while since I posted. Been doing a lot of meditation and soul searching. I started looking for another job because my current position is just not worth the stress and anxiety. I have no regrets. I've learned a lot, and I truely believe everything happens for a reason. But, I am going to try to move forward and just let life happen. Hopefully, being more happy at the same time. I will probably go through some financial troubles for a short time, but none of that stuff matters as long as my family and I are happy and together. I'm also looking into writing a selfhelp style book/DVD set to allow other people to use what I've learned to make positive changes in their lives. Hopefully, it will help someone that may be feeling down to take control of their life and just be happy. That's all for now. Hope everyone has a great holiday weekend.

Meditation

I started meditating before I go to sleep at night. I was trying to find a way to calm my mind so I don't wake up 5 or 6 times during the night like usual. I've never had a problem falling asleep. I just can't seem to stay asleep all night long. So, anyway, the meditation didn't seem to do much the first few days, but last night I slept all the way through for the first time in months. All the buddhist documentation I've read states that you have to be patient because the affects of meditation are not immediate. So, I'm hoping I'll sleep all the way through again tonight as long as I keep taking the time to meditate prior to going to sleep. It's the most amazing feeling meditating. It's almost like the euphoria after you have sex to be honest. Simply an amazing feeling. All the scattered thoughts that enter your mind while in that state of relaxation are viewed completely impartially and you're able to disect them and dispose of them very quickly instead of dwelling on them in your dreams/sleep. Anyway, I would strongly recommend that anyone who has anxiety or stress problems should do some reading on meditation and the buddhist style of meditation.

Scattered

I change my mind more than anyone I know. I dive into something and then don't finish it. Usually because I get bored with it. I wish I could pound it into my head to stop doing that. Or at least not waste my time and just think more about things before I start them. I guess then I'd never try anything though. So, maybe it's better to try stuff even if I get bored and don't finish whatever it is. How else am I supposed to find out what I'm supposed to be doing if I don't try new things?

There's something else I do a lot. Answer my own questions. lol

Hope everyone has a great week.

Lightbulb

So yeah... yesterday I was reading an article on Yahoo about losing weight and getting in shape for summer time. The article was written by Gabby Reece (sp?), the volleyball player. Anyway, the idea popped into my head about becoming a personal trainer. I lost over 50 pounds from over the course of a year from 2002-2003. I've managed to keep it off and also found a way to keep myself eating healthy and do maintenance workouts. I wonder if there's anyway I could write a book about it and/or get certified as a personal trainer. I'm going to look into it. I know personal trainers can make very good money and you're obviously helping people. So, I'm going to have to start researching this. It's an interesting thought anyway. =)

Still Thinking =/

So, I gave myself more time to think about the stuff in my last post. Needless to say, I'm still at a loss for what I can do to get out of these situations where I'm being taken advantage of. I have to have something to go to, before I can leave my current situation. I have a family to take care of and obviously that is priority #1. I thought about trying to write a book about how to treat people with respect, but that's been done 1000 times. I'd never see a publishing of anything I wrote on that subject. lol

Do you think it's wrong for me to want to make money off my integrity? Should I just stop working hard and/or caring about the task at hand? Just be like the "slackers"?